For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

Last night at our Bible study, a friend mentioned that he was awake at two in the morning with a lot going on in his head. He got up and started writing it all down. As he wrote, he identified things he needed to deal with; repenting for fear, accusation, etc. I realized recently that my mind is always going and today I pinpointed the old enemy that seems to be determined to stick around: self-conflict.

So, if I am dealing with self-conflict but the Bible tells me that I don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, than what am I really dealing with? Old thinking is one thing. My mind is programmed to think a certain way and I haven’t been doing enough to change that programming. This covers so many areas but lately there are four that have been in my mind almost all the time. Housework, homeschooling, weight loss and future pregnancies. My house is a mess, I’m not sure that we’re doing exactly what we should be in our day to day, I think maybe I shouldn’t think so much about weight loss/fitness/food anymore and while I would be ready for pregnancy and another baby anytime, I also REALLY want to do some things next summer and would rather not be nine months pregnant for them.

So I’m journaling now – by hand – but I think putting it down here may be helpful as well. If anything, to help me remember that I am not really wrestling with myself. I am looking for guidance and direction from God. That is number one. I am looking for peace in all of these situations and I am seeking to get rid of thinking that is not Godly. I will wrestle but not with myself. With the old way of thinking, with the enemy, but not myself. I am beautifully and wonderfully made and that is enough.

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